Let’s Talk: Doubt

I have spent my whole life doubting myself and my abilities and I’m honestly a little embarrassed that it has taken me to 28 to learn that it’s stupid.

I am honestly so god damn tired of constantly giving myself such a hard time. I’m tired of underestimating myself, and doubting what I can do. I’m not stupid and I’m tired of acting like I am.

By jumping into things, you’re either going to get it right, or you’ll fix it, learn and move on.

That’s it.

What is the point of not?

What’s the point of hesitating and doubting and deliberating?

Jump.

Say it. Speak it. Do it. Learn from it. But stop thinking.

I had a lecturer in university. It was actually the very first staff member I met from Falmouth University, and the very first course lecturer, because it was the one who initially interviewed me. He saw something in me in a time when I was 18, had spent five years at secondary school, and a further two at college, being too scared to put myself forward, but wanting desperately to change that, and in a time when I had failed other university interviews because I couldn’t sell myself in an interview.

He saw something in me that day, and he kept pushing me to see more in myself.

I once freaked out during a class we were presenting in and left the class during a five minute break, but stayed away for twenty minutes, because I let my anxiety get the better of me. That same lecturer let me walk back in without saying a thing and present after the class.

He would encourage me to put myself out there more in class. He once told me that “I can do great things, and he doesn’t want to see me hold myself back.”

In my final one to one before graduating, he thought I should do a masters because he didn’t think I was done yet, and said how much I had grown in confidence, in eye contact, in general.

Life’s funny in that it sometimes takes people outside of ourselves to show us that our own god damn minds are our worst enemies. It takes someone else to show us how ridiculous we’re being.

I think it’s hard to grow into ourselves and keep challenging ourselves to be more and better versions, but it’s so important. You have to keep pushing yourself. You have to keep pushing yourself and believing in who you are and what you can do.

You have to run full speed ahead at life and be willing to make mistakes, stumble and fall, and most importantly learn.

You’re not stupid, stop telling yourself you are. Put your voice out there even if you’re not sure if what you’re saying is right. Put yourself out there even if you’re still not sure who that person is yet.